Kenwood Press


Serving the communities of Kenwood, Glen Ellen and Oakmont

email print
Understanding Your Relationship with Money: 08/01/2015

A Fool's Story





A past client called excitedly, bragging how she didn’t fall prey to saying ‘yes’ to the man on the phone trying to enroll her into his impressive business program. I was so proud of her, given her tendency to lose touch with reality and feel her life depended on enrolling in the next exciting workshop that came along. In the past, she had scored high in the Fool money type. This is the archetype that, when activated, becomes caught up in the enthusiasm of the moment and buys instant gratification.

The Fool money pattern is one of the ways she creates overwhelm in her life and overextends herself financially. However, in this case she had followed this particular successful internet-based business training company for some time. She had been impressed with their integrity in how they stood apart from other programs she researched. She seriously considered some of their programs in the past but hadn’t enrolled. This time, her curiosity peaked when the company started to market an individual coaching program with a free session.

She had an interesting experience during the free session and was almost completely enrolled when the conversation triggered something that made her believe she absolutely needed this program to survive. The salesman began by saying the session’s intention was to see if the program was a good fit for her. From there he quickly digressed into the posture and presentation of a classic manipulative salesperson.

The wiser part of her – which was always present – knew that despite the discussion she wouldn’t make a decision until she thought it over.

She told me, “Donna, I credit our work together with helping me develop that part of me that takes more time to think through financial decisions. I was “activated”for a couple of days after the call as I processed my experience and decided the program isn’t right for me at this time. Also, I have a very different sense of the company’s integrity, based on their salesman’s behavior.”

It’s important here to understand how this client grew up. Her mom was never emotionally available while she raised her daughter, leaving her with a sense of abandonment in a situation of scarcity. Hopeful of receiving love and acknowledgment, she believed if she sacrificed enough by meeting the needs of everyone else, that her needs would eventually be met as well. When that didn’t happen, she continued the cycle of over-giving until exhaustion set in, resulting in the development of her Martyr pattern.

To complicate things, my client inherited money from her grandfather at a young age; the money was protected by a trust until she was 21. Thus my client grew up with mixed messages: there was a feeling of scarcity at home with her parents while simultaneously she knew she had a lot of money she couldn’t touch yet. With a certain assurance that it would all be covered someday, she would overspend. She was emotionally exhausted: she was both “just getting by,” and knew that someday the money would be hers. She eventually married a man who worked hard but was as poor a money manager as her parents, continuing the pattern.

As a result, my client’s three most challenging money patterns were feeling unworthy, irresponsible, and depleted. She also had a pattern of rescuing others, and undercharging in her business. This is an example of how confusing and conflicted her relationship with money had become.

The good news: she’s a talented, resourceful, and creative business coach willing to step more fully into her potential. She has taken the time to look at her story and has made peace with her personal history through forgiveness. She now honors herself by charging what she’s worth and paying herself first, saving at least 10 percent of every check she earns. She began to watch how she spent money during a typical week. She observed herself in four ways: without judgment, not trying to change, sensing the body, and being truthful. She watched how she spent, and was motivated to think about what emotions were underlying the core issue around her compulsion to consume. She did a beautiful job creating better boundaries, negotiating her compensation, and at the same time feeling generous. She also manages her conversations with clear agreements without giving herself away. She loves to write and is blogging more, tracking her billable hours for her business, and tracking how many hours she puts into marketing.

So here we have the story of a Fool who put on her Warrior boots and turned her life around! I love when that happens.

Learn more about your relationship with money: visit www.BuildingWealthFromWithin.com and take the complimentary “Money Type Quiz.” Only you see the results. Or contact me at donna@BuildingWealthFromWithin.com.

Donna Colfer has worked in financial management since 1987. As a Financial Counsellor and a Certified Money Coach, she blends her financial expertise with spiritual counselling in her private practice in Sonoma. A Valley resident since 1981, Donna and her husband, Randy, reside in Kenwood.

© 2015 Donna Colfer


To learn more about your relationship with money, visit www.BuildingWealthFromWithin.com and take the complimentary “Money Type Quiz.” Only you will see the results. Or contact me at donna@BuildingWealthFromWithin.com.

Donna Colfer has worked in financial management since 1987. As a Financial Counselor and a Certified Money Coach, she blends her financial expertise with spiritual counseling in her private practice in Sonoma. A Valley resident since 1981, Donna and her husband, Randy, reside in Kenwood.

© 2017 Donna Colfer

Email: donna@BuildingWealthFromWithin.com

Recently Published:

05/01/2017 - Ending a co-dependent lifestyle
04/01/2017 - Artificial intelligence and disappearing jobs
03/01/2017 - Three ways to save money
02/01/2017 - Conscious bill paying
12/01/2016 - Embracing the groundlessness of our situation
11/01/2016 - Over-spending on grandchildren
10/01/2016 - Growing up with forgiveness
09/01/2016 - The “what-ifs”
08/01/2016 - What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
06/15/2016 - Find your center
05/01/2016 - Changing your story is about choice
04/01/2016 - Who can you trust?
03/01/2016 - Clean up your financial house
02/01/2016 - Crossing the pass
12/01/2015 - A Girl Scout attitude

Recently Published:

05/15/2017 - 4th of July – it’s closer than you think
05/15/2017 - Oakmont artists win multiple awards
05/15/2017 - Film festival internships available
05/15/2017 - Annadel Trail Project partner receives award
05/15/2017 - Controlled burn set for Bouverie Preserve on May 30
05/15/2017 - Spans of time: The bridges of Glen Ellen
05/15/2017 - North valley resident sought for SVCAC
05/15/2017 - New principal selected for Dunbar School
05/15/2017 - Local places to get your fruits, veggies
05/15/2017 - Whitaker appointed as director of Regional Parks
05/15/2017 - Developing a vision for North Sonoma Mountain Regional Park
05/15/2017 - Assessment underway for SDC
05/01/2017 - Dirt to Dispensary workshop series
05/01/2017 - SVCAC won’t support VJB permit changes
05/01/2017 - Making it official

Community Calendar

Funky Fridays
05/26/2017
more...
Dunbar presents A Bad Day at Gopher’s Breath
05/26/2017
more...
Oakmont Car Show
05/27/2017
more...
Saturday Kids Community
05/27/2017
more...
Dunbar presents A Bad Day at Gopher’s Breath
05/27/2017
more...
Memorial Day hike at Jack London State Park
05/29/2017
more...
Funky Fridays
06/02/2017
more...
Funky Fridays
06/02/2017
more...
Deerfield hosts fundraiser for local wetlands
06/03/2017
more...
Bennett Valley BBQ coming up
06/04/2017
more...
Funky Fridays
06/09/2017
more...