Kenwood Press


Serving the communities of Kenwood, Glen Ellen and Oakmont

email print
Understanding Your Relationship with Money: 09/01/2015

Starving artist or desperate designer?



Understanding Your Relationship with Money

By Donna Colfer

Starving artist or desperate designer?

At the early age of nine, Becky would have a beautiful table set and dinner ready by the time her parents came home from work. Becky was the older of two children; her sister was five years younger. Her mom was an attorney and her dad was a physicist (a rocket scientist!) with busy work lives. “I took care of my sister and felt more like the house help growing up. My mom was a type-A person, busy and often tense, angry, and worried,” she commented.

Becky’s dad was the opposite, more lighthearted, generous, and carefree. On occasion, he would treat Becky and her best friend to ice cream, only to come home to an angry mom who lectured dad for paying for her friend…in front of her friend. Becky felt embarrassed and ashamed and couldn’t understand why it was such a big deal.

Becky’s dad wasn’t as organized with money. He was a bit detached and undisciplined: the opposite of her organized mother. Not only did Becky receive mixed messages around money, but she also took on the responsibility of being the mediator in the family, taking care of everyone’s needs to keep the peace while unconsciously developing a strong Martyr money type.

Since she was nine years old, Becky’s passion in life was to have her own design business. She was truly a Creator/Artist and eventually followed her passion with a master’s degree in art. Her parents did not support her field of study because they didn’t believe she could make money as a designer. There was a constant message from them that “artists don’t make money.”

At age 20, she received her first credit card, not realizing how credit worked. When her mom found out about her accumulated debt, she hit the ceiling! She loaned Becky money to pay it off, which was just one more thing for her mom to be angry about. Instead of educating her daughter about credit cards, interest rates, and saving to grow money over time, she confused Becky. The lack of understanding how money works (Innocent), the lack of attention growing up, and constant criticism from mom (Victim) has contributed to Becky’s feelings of being unworthy and undeserving to receive (Martyr), especially around money. These attitudes kept alive the belief that “artists don’t make money.”

Over the years – and in spite of this belief – Becky had some great positions working as a Creative Director for several design firms, managing projects with large teams and budgets. And though she was paid well, she often felt undeserving of the jobs and high salaries because the nagging belief she unconsciously bought into so many years ago persisted: artists don’t make money. Consequently, her positions didn’t last, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy around money and her career, which in turn fed her low self-confidence.

One of the first steps toward changing your relationship with money is becoming aware of unconscious beliefs governing what you can and cannot do. It’s important to identify unconscious agreements that keep you small so you “fit” within your family’s dynamic. Without this knowledge, it’s much harder to create a more fulfilling and prosperous career. In Becky’s case, she worked for bosses who were similar to her mother, continuing her experience of being criticized and unsupported (Victim).

After recalling her money memories growing up, and becoming familiar with her relationship with money, Becky was completely willing to re-write her “internal script” around money. She’s learning simple ways to become more disciplined and consistent in managing money and feels much more empowered to make better decisions moving forward. She has developed her own part-time design business. She realizes that valuing her self-authority, work experience, and education (Warrior) rather than trying to prove her validity to her parents when earning money was far more effective and deeply satisfying than her old attitudes. She attracts the right clients and situations, and she creates more ease and flow around money. When things don’t go as planned, she no longer defaults to the old belief that she can’t make money as an artist. She remembers her vision, reaches deep inside to find the strength and patience to believe in herself, and has faith in knowing she is more than enough, and that all her needs are being met (Magician). Forgiveness has played a huge role in letting go of grudges against her parents, and lightened up her creative path while she remains grateful for all that is working.

Learn more about your relationship with money: visit www.BuildingWealthFromwithin.com and take the complimentary “Money Type Quiz.” Only you see the results. Or contact me at donna@BuildingWealthFromWithin.com.

Donna Colfer has worked in financial management since 1987. As a Financial Counsellor and a Certified Money Coach, she blends her financial expertise with spiritual counselling in her private practice in Sonoma. A Valley resident since 1981, Donna and her husband, Randy, reside in Kenwood.

© 2015 Donna Colfer


To learn more about your relationship with money, visit www.BuildingWealthFromWithin.com and take the complimentary “Money Type Quiz.” Only you will see the results. Or contact me at donna@BuildingWealthFromWithin.com.

Donna Colfer has worked in financial management since 1987. As a Financial Counselor and a Certified Money Coach, she blends her financial expertise with spiritual counseling in her private practice in Sonoma. A Valley resident since 1981, Donna and her husband, Randy, reside in Kenwood.

© 2017 Donna Colfer

Email: donna@BuildingWealthFromWithin.com

Recently Published:

03/01/2017 - Three ways to save money
02/01/2017 - Conscious bill paying
12/01/2016 - Embracing the groundlessness of our situation
11/01/2016 - Over-spending on grandchildren
10/01/2016 - Growing up with forgiveness
09/01/2016 - The “what-ifs”
08/01/2016 - What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
06/15/2016 - Find your center
05/01/2016 - Changing your story is about choice
04/01/2016 - Who can you trust?
03/01/2016 - Clean up your financial house
02/01/2016 - Crossing the pass
12/01/2015 - A Girl Scout attitude
11/01/2015 - It’s never too late to save for retirement
08/01/2015 - A Fool's Story

Recently Published:

03/15/2017 - All the way from Suessville
03/15/2017 - Dunbar melodrama turns 25
03/15/2017 - New scholarship program for wine industry workers and families
03/15/2017 - Support Kenwood School “Under the Kenwood Sun”
03/15/2017 - Rummage sale coming up
03/15/2017 - Breaking news: Kenwood shopping center vandalized
03/15/2017 - March 7 election results
03/15/2017 - Wandering in a winter wonderland...
03/15/2017 - Open Space District seeks input for Vital Lands Initiative
03/15/2017 - Santa Rosa to expand medical services for former SDC residents
03/15/2017 - SVCAC looks at new wine facility
03/15/2017 - Donation wall takes shape at Kenwood School
03/15/2017 - Kenwood Community Club has fun at the Oscars
03/15/2017 - Bouverie Preserve seeking to fight fire with fire
03/01/2017 - Après le déluge...les potholes

Community Calendar

Rose expert to speak at Quarryhill
03/25/2017
more...
Crab in the Cave
03/25/2017
more...
Evening walk at Hood Mountain
03/28/2017
more...
Star of the Valley Church hosts Lenten retreat
03/29/2017
more...
Crushers of Comedy come to Landmark Vineyards
04/01/2017
more...
Volunteer trainings for state parks
04/01/2017
more...
Wildflower hike on East Slope Trail
04/01/2017
more...
Valley of the Moon Chamber Ensemble Gala Concert
04/02/2017
more...
Annadel Half Marathon
04/08/2017
more...
More Oakmont teams needed at Paws for Healing
04/22/2017
more...