First world problems
Bottom line, nobody died
We did enjoy a great vacation, but the rest of our summer has been peppered with a series of “you’re kidding me” events. Our bar is set pretty low, so if no one dies, we consider life to be just swell.
It started in early June when our daughter had appendicitis while visiting her brother in Moscow. That’s Moscow, Russia, not Moscow, Idaho. All went well, but we were fairly stressed, to say the least.
Also on the medical front, both of our mothers ended up in emergency rooms within a week of each other. Maybe they coordinated this. Mothers can be sneaky, you know.
Flora and fauna organized against us this summer. Deer have used our yard as an all-you-can-eat buffet, helping themselves to every hydrangea and rose they could find. The dogs are obviously sleeping on the job. A bird that was being chased by another bird smashed through a garage window. Our dog Dolly killed a rabbit, which wasn’t pretty, although we suspect the rabbit is responsible for the complete disappearance of our pepper plants. That one we can’t blame on the deer due to the high fence around the vegetable garden. Then we found out that Dolly has a fatty tumor that’s only going to get bigger. I bet that’s going to be cheap to take care of.
And to top it off, an oak tree on our property dropped a gigantic limb right onto our friend’s new truck. It’s actually a phenomenon called summer limb drop. You can look it up.
The washing machine broke, the automatic garage door busted, our water softening unit had to be replaced, the water heater stopped working, and our propane provider sent us an obscenely high bill to make up for their previously unreliable billing system.
We were a magnet for contractors this summer, with their clipboards and calculators, and that gigantic sucking sound is the remains of my checkbook. I got writer’s cramp signing checks, wishing I lived in my car instead of a house. Oh, and my car battery died, and the van bit the dust, as Ann recounted in this column two weeks ago.
Before you cry me a river, rest assured I will persevere over this series of unfortunate events, even the fact that the Giants decided to stop their season at the All-Star break. But it makes me wonder if I’m on camera in some kind of reality show, with a nationwide audience waiting to see which incident will finally make me snap.
Well, there’s technically another month of summer left, so stay tuned.
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